Radiation Kickoff

Well, today is the day.  The first day of radiation.  The past seven months have been a fucking wild ride and, as I look back at everything that has happened and the roller coaster of emotions that have transpired, one overwhelming theme is present: gratitude.  I am grateful for the support of all the amazing people in my world who have shown up and freely given their love and support.  I am grateful for the experiences I have had throughout my life and especially through this journey.  Some experiences that I wouldn’t have had without this diagnosis.  Life, if anything, is full of unexpected twists and turns.  None of those are inherently good or bad.  They just are.  We only get to choose how we react and respond to those challenges and opportunities.   I once told someone I love dearly that life is defined by how we choose to spend our time and those we choose to include on our journey.  And to all of you who have been a part of my journey, I want to say “thank you”.  Each one of you has impacted my life and shaped who I am in your own way, no matter how big or how small you think your role in my world is.  Without you, no matter what part you have played in my life, I would not be who I am.  The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  And we’ve got this.  

I am often asked how or what I’m feeling.  Honestly, I’m feeling all the feels.  And it varies across time.  A kaleidoscope of feelings, you might say.  Overwhelmed, out of control, shocked, dismayed, isolated, fragile, powerless, skeptical, numb, withdrawn, infuriated, violated, nervous, frightened, and helpless have all been feelings I’ve had.  But I’ve also felt eager, free, joyful, curious, content, proud, powerful, optimistic, confident, valued, courageous, loving, thankful, hopeful, and inspired.  

Right now, in this moment, I feel ready.  I am ready.  Ready to take the next step.  Ready to start counting down the days and treatments until I’m cancer free.  Ready to keep living and embracing each and every day.  Ready to keep growing and learning and being better than I was yesterday. 

GAME ON!!! 

Addendum:

Day one is in the books.  One down, 27 more to go.  Overall, it was anticlimactic, which isn’t all bad.  I don’t really know what I was expecting, but I think I was anticipating something a little more exciting.  No pain, no discomfort, nothing.  It was basically like laying in a CT scanner for about 20 minutes.  Most of that time was spent making sure everything was lined up before the actual nuking began.  And I got three new tattoos!  I’m looking forward to incorporating them into something a little more artistic than tiny dots after my treatment is complete.  I can say, however, that the entire team at Fred Hutch Cancer Center is top notch.  They run the program like a well-oiled machine.  Total wait time today was probably less than 15 minutes between two separate appointments (actual radiation treatment and a weekly check-in appointment with the radiation oncologist).  

Maybe the best part of the day, aside from getting the first treatment out of the way, was the curry I had for dinner.  It did not suck.  I know because I’ve eaten things that sucked and this was not it.